Narratives of the Disengaged: The Job Search

The Year is 1990: What the f*ck is a Human Resources Dept.?!

I initially began my job search experience in the middle of my senior year in high school. I've held previous gigs in the whole fast food thing which, needless to say, didn't last long, and telemarketing was not something I foresaw in my future. I really wanted to start out in a basic clerical job, then work my way up. That is, after all, how previous generations climbed up the ladder. If it can happen to them, it can happen to me. So, I start perusing the help wanted ads.

In retrospect, it can be assumed that I am having as much difficulty now as I did then in terms of my experience. In those days, the only experience I had was working the cash register and being able to count back change using my head. Not very many employers were willing to hire a high school senior with little to no office experience, even though I was determined to get a part-time office job. I thought for certain there would be an employer that would be willing to work with my schedule (Monday thru Friday, 3-7pm-ish, or thereabouts) so I could focus on graduating. Needless to say, I didn't have very much luck.

I decided to put my clerical fascination on hold until after I graduated high school. My father's dream was that I attend college, which I did, but only for a short awhile. My need to work on a full-time basis nullified any desires to obtain academia success. I start hitting the help wanted ads once again.

By this time, I had just gotten married, and settled in a one-bedroom apartment in a quaint suburb of Chicago. In the days before the internet, I subscribed to every local paper as well as the biggies (Sun-Times, Tribune) just to conduct my job search. At that time, jobs were aplenty, but there were few jobs that were willing to interview an inexperienced youngin' barely out of high school.

My difficulties were legitimate. Hell, I probably wouldn't interview me either. On the contrary, I knew plenty of folks who were in the midst of changing jobs, enhancing their careers, and/or climbing up the corporate ladder. They didn't have very much difficulty in getting interviews. All they did was send a resume via snail mail, and if they had any kind of skill set that would be relevant to the job, they had potential. There was no such thing as fighting to get a response through e-mail....there was no e-mail! Resume tracking databases and the online job applications were ethereal. There was no such thing as a "second interview." If the hiring manager liked you, you'd get a call back with an offer in a matter of days. There was no such thing as asinine psychological assessment tests. In reading this, you might think I'm dating back to about fifty years ago. The truth is....I've only gone back fifteen.

Since When It's Okay To Be Rude? Not in MY World

Last September I went for a job interview at one of the most reputable public relations/advertising agency in Chicago. I was by far elated, as this was considered the job of my "dreams." The only reason I even got an interview was through networking, with a contact who works at one of the other ad agencies within that network. The recruiter who works with this particular agency called me two days after the position opened. An interview was set up two days later.

I prepped for the interview like there was no tomorrow. I brushed up on my computing skills because I knew there'd be some sort of competency test, and re-acquainted myself with all the advertising techy, geeky jargon that these folks love to hear. I was ready, and I was determined. I provided them a completed job application, three professional letters of recommendation, and a PowerPoint presentation of my career summary. This job was mine, but I was careful not to exude too much confidence.

But no. The interview itself lasted about 20 minutes. Of course, there was a test, which I was given an hour to complete. Most of it was in PowerPoint. I didn't complete the test in its entirety, but I managed my way through and felt comfortable with my answers I provided. When all was said and done, the chick I interviewed with said that she will relay everything back to management, and if they like me, they would call me back for a second interview. She said I should hear something in a couple of weeks.

As you might imagine, those couple of weeks went by. I never heard a word.

I was the follow-up queen in the month that followed. I have sent inquiries to both the recruiter who initially called me, and to the chick I interviewed with, neither of which has taken the time to respond with a simple, "Thanks, but no thanks." I have e-mailed, TWITTERED, and went the old school route by actually calling on the phone. No word, no rejection, no sign of life. It's like these people never even existed.

I am a big girl. I can handle rejection better than anyone I know. I have gone through worse, so for someone to tell me "no thanks" is nothing but a walk in the park. Disheartening, yes. Everything happens for a reason, and while I would MUCH prefer a more optimistic answer, I realize that I cannot always have everything I wish for.

On the contrary, this doesn't mean it's okay for hiring professionals to be rude in return. I have said this on numerous occasions. Hiring folks of today could care less about your time, and/or they don't want to "deal" with you. Aww....poor babies. I don't want to deal with paying my bills, or making dinner, or clean the house, but I suck it up and do them anyway. And while the list I mentioned aren't exactly in the same category as returning a phone call, it's still the courteous thing to do. But by not doing so denotes unprofessionalism, and downright laziness. I often wonder why some job seekers can get so agitated, but it is the unprofessionalism that is running rampant amongst the HR industry that would make one think, 'no fucking wonder.'

I ran across an interesting article about the rudeness commonly practiced among hiring authorities of today. This is not NEW information, by any means. I have been saying the same thing, for oh....about a YEAR. Congratulations to the rest of the world for finally catching up. Read the article anyway, as this information bears repeating.

Hey you HR people, grow some fucking balls.

Dear IL Primary Candidates: I'm Not Your Ho.

The Illinois primary election took place yesterday, and I'm happy to have been a part of the trifling voter turnout to let my voice be heard. I have an inaudible but optimistic dream that someday I'll be able to pick up where I left off....at the very least...two years ago. But my dream is left in the hands of politicians who will say anything to win my emotions. I fell for that before. I feel like I should be awarded a t-shirt that would say, "I Voted for Obama and all I got was this Lousy $25 in my Unemployment Check."

In my heart, I know not to expect much. I hope to be proven wrong, but the reality is that after some careful review of all the candidate's platforms, they ALL have one thing in common: job creation. There is no denying that job creation is one of the biggest issues facing our country today (This blog wouldn't have existed if that wasn't the case). My problem, however, is my ability to separate fact from fiction. As I analyze the platforms, I ask myself, 'Is job creation a top priority because candidate X really fucking cares, or is X saying that to win my vote?' Like someone whispering sweet nothings into my ear, this is a mantra that easily resonates with me. But don't throw me a line of bullshit just to sleep with me, or in this case....win my vote. I'm not your ho. Save that crap for your mistress.

I saw none of the Obama charisma. The only person that might even come close is Alexi Giannoulias (who, I'm pretty sure, has MANY ho's) who uses the following tag: "Jobs:A Big Issue" or something to that effect. Well, it's sexy and all, but perhaps it was silly of me to want something more. For example, rather than suggest another type of stimulus package, how about suggesting something along the lines of, 'Guess what? China's economy is BOOMING. As American citizens, we must ask ourselves WHY. With that said, I will fight to the death to remove ALL of the manufacturing jobs OUT of China and back into the American economy, where there will be job growth, and most importantly, put an end to the constant worry for the consumer in regards to product recalls.'

But no. That would be common sense. And sadly, common sense isn't all that common.

Not one candidate has proposed anything even remotely close to that. It's a bunch of mindless chatter that everyone has heard before. It is for that reason I did not watch the State of the Union in its entirety last week. They are all bullshit dialog that I've heard more times than I care to admit. I really thought that when I voted for Obama, I would be employed by now. Instead, I got an increase. Still no job, no health benefits of my own, no retirement money, no promise for the future. I know one day our economy will get back on track, but I'm skeptical as to whether yesterday's winners have the potential of turning things around. And I have the right to be.

Everybody talks. Nobody listens. If there ever comes a day where a politician has demonstrated superior listening skills, that, to me, represents REAL change.

We can only hope.

Follow-Up to Those Who Wanted My Firstborn

I was so disheartened with the job application I encountered yesterday (see the blog post from yesterday) that it propelled me to relay my thoughts to their human resources department. I realize that by doing so, it has automatically defaulted any chances of being considered for the role...any role for that matter, with that particular organization.

As if I'm distraught over it. Or even care.

As I've stated earlier, with plenty of professional references and a healthy and extensive set of credentials, I'm really not too concerned what the HR folks think of me. More often than not, someone's initial reaction of me is way off base. For example, I look every bit Latino. I have olive skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. The truth is, I don't have an ounce of Latino blood in me. My point is, if people are quick to make inaccurate assumptions over my nationality, how can I possibly ever to expect them to know what kind of work ethic I have, or what kind of a team player I am, and/or whether or not I am capable to handle all the primary tasks a particular job description lists?

Back to the letter....having said all that, I have decided to write a letter to relay my thoughts on their application and pre-employment screening process. One of the very many reasons I wrote this is because I keep getting the uneasy feeling that employers/hiring authorities enjoy watching job applicants jump through all sorts of hurdles by implementing various requests, some that make sense, some that don't. And since employers are well aware how constricted the job market is, they have the power to instill any kind of criteria they want, because they know job applicants will conform to them without question, just for a chance of getting a job. While all I am saying may be way off base, but by reading the job application procedure, it sure the hell seems that way, and I feel I have every right to question it.

Enclosed is the actual e-mail I sent to their human resources department:

Job Applications: Do You Want My Firstborn, too?

A day in the life of a job seeker comes the redundant task of completing job applications. Some of them are cut and dry, meaning they only ask for basic information, employment history, education, and call it a day. Then there are applications that would make one second guess if they are applying for a job....or a mortgage. Really, is all that information necessary? No. It's absolutely not.

I came across a job posting earlier for an Executive Secretary with a non-for-profit organization. Upon first glance the ad was very wordy, complimented with 20-point bold-type fonts. My immediate reaction is that they must have one helluva job application process. I scrolled down to the application procedure, which basically instructs the job applicant that they *MUST* complete their job application or they will *NOT* be considered. You must send it by e-mail. Faxed or snail mailed copies will not be considered! Well, my goodness. You might as well beat me with a whip right now. Or make me do 100 push-ups. SIR, YES SIR!

Just for poops and giggles, I went to their web site as instructed and reviewed their application. As I suspected, they want your entire life story. They would also like your social security number, because as noted on the top of the application, "Leaving any question/section blank may disqualify applicant from consideration of employment." Oh, okay. So I'm just going to throw around my social security number like a used cigarette butt to a group of people I don't know, with no guarantee that I'll be considered for the role. And since this is over e-mail, it's too easy to delete/ignore, and leaves the potential for a "gifted" individual to hack into their system just to gain this valuable information for their own fortune. Yes, I'm referring to identity theft. I digress.

So as I scroll towards the bottom of the application, I find a bulleted list of their entire interviewing process. I must be applying for a mortgage, or some kind of loan...I'm almost positive. Granted, some items are standard. But bear in mind, the job is for an EXECUTIVE SECRETARY. Let's review their interviewing process, shall we?

Top 10 Reasons Why the Unemployed Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize

As with the majority, I fail to understand why Obama was suddenly awarded one of the most highest and prestigious awards in the world, all without much notice, but plenty of surprise, even for Obama. In listening to Obama's speech recently on his thoughts, even he remarked how surprised he was....and was caught totally off guard.

Well, Mr. President, I must say that I am just as surprised as you are. I don't know this for certain, but I'm almost positive that other job seekers feel the same way I do.

Speaking from an unemployed perspective, I was really hoping that he would follow through on his campaign promise regarding job creation. Instead, I got more money in my unemployment check. At this point, I would prefer to give back the supplemented increase in exchange for a job that would bring me a steady income. The surplus really doesn't mean anything to me, because eventually it will come to an end...in a matter of a few months. With that in mind, I don't understand the whole 'Obama deserves a Nobel' thing, because it's certainly NOT for job creation.

As long as we're on the subject of awarding the Nobel Peace Prize for just any old shit, I honestly believe the unemployed certainly deserves the top honor. Here are the top ten reasons why:

10. We have to deal with the bullshit "advice" given by career coaches and master resume writers who's only in it to make money for themselves.

9. Dealing with long lines at the unemployment office. That ALONE is Nobel-worthy!

8. It'll make one hell of a status update on your LinkedIn profile.

7. If you are a Michigan resident . Definitely Noble-worthy.

6. We could use the monetary award that comes with it. Especially Michigan residents.

5. And then we can use the monetary award to devise a system to eradicate all the "work-at-home" spammers on the internet via spontaneous combustion upon their first post.

4. Would provide bragging rights at the next Pink Slip Mixer function.

3. Job seekers can stand on the street corner wearing the prize on their chest instead of using sandwich boards that say, "Hire Me."

2. The look on a recruiter's face when you tell them you are a recent recipient of the Noble Peace Prize: PRICELESS.

And the number 1 reason:

1. That staple of accomplishment would definitely land an interview for the job seeker!

Notice, I did NOT say, "land you a job." Of course you're still not going to get hired because with that comes compensation that correlates with your fine achievement, and employers nowadays are all about cheap labor. However, imagine adding that prize on your resume under "List of Accomplishments." There is no way a hiring manager would ever pass that up, at least for the opportunity to interview you to see how the mind of a Nobel Peace Prize winner ticks. You could very easily get away with making up some inspiring story, based on what you plan to do in terms of benefiting your potential employer. After all, Obama got away with it.

I support granting this award to unemployed folks all across the globe. After all, haven't we been through enough bullshit?

'Half Of All Recruiting Functions Are Dysfunctional'

Funny, I've been saying this for the last ten years. At any rate, I'm pleased that someone else has confirmed such discrepancies. 'Half Of All Recruiting Functions Are Dysfunctional' Shared via AddThis

Chicago 2016: Congratulations Mayor Daley! Now You Know How *I* Feel

Dear Mayor Daley:

Hi. Are you drunk yet?

Oh, the heartache. That rejecting feeling. Such a shame for you, as you've worked so hard preparing for the moment when you would finally cash in on the world's top prize. You've done everything right, and planned it so carefully. You've practiced your speeches, your presentations, and contacted the big guns to use as professional references. You've practiced for two years, only for it to slam in your face by the rest of the world. In a nutshell, the IOC pretty much told you: 'you're nowhere near as perfect as you think you are, even with The President as a reference.'

I know the feeling. Speaking from a job seeking perspective, I have had doors slammed in my face since 2004.

Of course, I have to point out some key differences: first, I have never screwed anyone over. I've never used my employer's funds for my own selfish reasons. I have never "bought" my way into certain job roles, and will readily admit to wrongdoing if I know I am guilty of it. My opposition is minimal at best, and to my knowledge, my reputation and my credentials are intact. Can YOU say the same thing about yourself, Mr. Mayor?

I can, however, relate to your loss. You see, I provided three professional references and three letters of recommendation during a job interview I had earlier last month. Even though none of those references came from The President or from Oprah, I figured I had a good chance of landing an offer. I was very polished during the interview, and provided sharp, on-the-point answers to all of the questions. To date, I have yet received a response (even AFTER sending two e-mails) on whether I'm still being considered for the position. At least you were able to find out immediately by being the first city to get eliminated. I'm still in freakin' limbo!

However, I have had previous interviews where I was SURE something good was to come of them. Like you, I practiced my interviews, polished my presentation, and put together any ammunition (references) I had well ahead of the scheduled interview. I made sure that I wouldn't do anything stupid during the interview, such as yawning....oh wait, that doesn't apply to you....well, anyway...I did everything right, but still was not awarded the job. It's so frustrating, isn't it, Mr. Mayor? I'm certain you are content in your heart that you did everything right, too. I'm pretty sure you thought at one time, 'well how can Chicago possibly lose? We're doing everything right -- we have the President and Oprah! What more do you want out of me?'

Apparently, Mr. Mayor, the IOC indeed wanted MORE out of you, just like my previous interviewees wanted more out of me. Perhaps you can use the events of today as a time to reflect. You've spent a lot of time telling the world how pretty of a city Chicago is, but how will the Olympics benefit? What are the advantages of hosting the Olympics in Chicago, aside from the Oprah factor? These are questions you should have been prepared to answer, Mr. Mayor. Take it from someone who knows. Since 2004.

They say everything happens for a reason. Perhaps your reasons are more prevalent and climatic than mine. At any rate, being rejected sucks. Being rejected by the rest of the world sucks even more, but at least you know what I've gone through, from tears to heartaches to more tears. I'd take my rejection much better if I had Oprah on my side, so at least you have that going for you.

Congratulations on your well deserved loss.

With love,

JS

My Wish List

During my highly nerving reign of unemployment, I have proposed a wish list of things to acquire and projects to endeavor once I start to have a steady flow of income. I'm a girl with huge dreams and java-flavored kisses! So, while I will not disclose ALL of my dreamy-like items, I figured it would be best to jot down some of them. Knowing me, I will forget them later. They are, in no particular order:

• a grooler. How cool would that be? I will be the first on the block to have one.
• Fake acrylic nails with gaudy colors and stupid smiley faces. Maybe some glitter thrown in. The base color has to be really dark, like gray or black. Superb!
• Start my own publication company. My first magazine would be titled, "Fuck Off Ken Lewis , Nobody Will Miss You."
• Bring Michael Jackson back from the dead.
• Have a memorial service for Saturn
• Construct a pep rally for the City of Chicago when they are (hopefully) announced as the LOSING city for the 2016 Summer Olympics. This would be an excellent reason to celebrate, and taxpayer money would NOT be affected in the construction/production costs.
• Bribe Barbara Streisand into retirement...for GOOD.
• Build a nice little cabin in the middle of Dumbfuck, Nowhere, throw Kanye West in there and throw away the keys for good.
• Which brings me to my second magazine titled, "Fuck Off Kanye West, Nobody Will Miss You."
• Develop an application that would force the spammers and spam bots into spontaneous combustion upon their introductory tweet on Twitter.
• Bribe a politician to end the Swine Flu. That way, I won't be spammed by the likes of Walgreens and media outlets just to get me to spend more money on a vaccine that may or may not work.

Plus much more! The sooner I can land a job, the sooner I can pursue my dreams!

Resumes v. Cover Letters: A Love Story

I have just figured out why so many job seekers have an incredibly hard time landing a gig, and it's not always because they are not a good fit or because they accidentally tooted during an interview. In this day and age, hiring professionals don't really know of what the perfect "fit" really is, but they are sure quick to point out their exasperations.

I, too, wish to point out my vexations, starting with ever popular debate of resumes vs. cover letters. I was bored one day and decided to collaborate different replies from various hiring "professionals" (I use quotes for a reason) to see if I could find any kind of a pattern of which method was best. In the end, my head was spinning, and was highly tempted to throw my laptop out the window. I didn't because I kind of like my laptop. I digress.

Mind you, I haven't even cracked a third of the internet. The following comments were gathered from various blogs, newspaper articles, and job forums. All from hiring "professionals" unless otherwise indicated. My comments are in regular text. By the way, names have been omitted ONLY out of courtesy (which is, kind of a shame, because I believe if you post on an open and public forum along with your name, it's considered public record and open to scrutiny). None of these comments have been edited for grammar and spelling, as I refuse to correct someone else's' idiocy. Read on...

Privacy Tips for Online Job Seekers

This is from Privacyrights.org. They offer some excellent tips if you MUST conduct the job search online: