Put a little twist on your "E-thanks"

I've always sent thank you letters after every interview. It's not because I believe they will cast any magical spell on the recipient and hire me, but because my mama raised me right.

I come across this question from jobseekers across the web, often wondering about whether or not they should follow-up with a thank you note after an interview. First of all, most thank you notes aren't even notes, or letters. The majority of them come in electronic form (call it an "e-thanks" if you will). Even if one decided to go the extra mile and hand write one, there is still never a guarantee that you'll get the job. It all depends on how the recipient perceives it, which you have no control over.

Having said that, I've never been a big fan of sending such correspondence. I do it because it's just a courteous thing to do. However, after my last interview, my e-thanks campaign will be no more. The bottom line is that when you send that note of thanks, the fact remains that you're kissing ass, no matter how hard you may try to dissect this theory. And people love their asses getting kissed. In this day and age, nobody deserves to get their ass kissed. You could, however, put a little twist on your note. Since the employer can probably sense you're kissing ass anyway, hand write something along the lines of:

Dear Prospective Employer (who I know will hire me because of this thank you note):

I would like to sincerely thank for giving me the opportunity to interview for the Account Executive position with The Chicago Tribune Suntimes. Sorry about the typo. I have found the interview to be very informative and my interest in the position remains strong.

I feel that it's important to explain why I have a strong desire to work for your company. My interest really isn't that strong, I'm just desperate for a job. Everyone else has turned me away and you seem nurturing enough to cater to my needs. I need money...plain and simple. I am as smart as you think and I can make a mean ass pot of coffee. I can make copies of my butt like no other, and I'm fluent enough in Photoshop where I can superimpose a picture of Nadya Suleman on my ass. Quite entertaining, but you'll never get an opportunity to see this if you don't hire me.

In conclusion, I need you and you need me. Together, we can seek world domination!

Signed with sunshine kisses and puppy licks,

Judi Sassafrass

"Job coaches" and other "hiring professionals" may advise that sending a thank you note/e-thanks wouldn't hurt, and may even put you at the top of the heap, but I disagree. What would put you at the top of the heap is how well you marketed yourself during the interview. If the prospective employer saw stars in his eyes during the interview, no thank you note is necessary. Your personality and your credentials will speak for themselves.

On the contrary, I've never been a big fan of interviews either. I don't do interviews well because I have to display that ideal "Corporate America attitude" and provide a bunch of pussy language while feverishly explaining how I can be a benefit for the employer. I am forced display the "fake" me, and I've never been any good at faking stuff except for...well....you know....orgasms. That's a girl thing. Anyway....even I was good at presenting the fake me, there is still no guarantee that I will be able to perform the job effectively, from the employer prospective. This is why I am a huge fan of letters of recommendation, because there lies concrete evidence that you were a valuable asset to that company.

My point is I like to be judged based on what I DO, not what I say. I am the type of person who judges people by their actions, and in my naivety I expect people to reserve that type of judgment. I have a feeling that my stance on that issue is somehow being projected in my interviews, so I supplement my chances of getting hired with an e-thanks. I've realized however, if you had an interview that didn't go as planned, or even created some sort of chemistry with the interviewer, no thank you note in the world will save face. You'll have much better luck with letters of recommendation and a great interview.