The Year is 1990: What the f*ck is a Human Resources Dept.?!

I initially began my job search experience in the middle of my senior year in high school. I've held previous gigs in the whole fast food thing which, needless to say, didn't last long, and telemarketing was not something I foresaw in my future. I really wanted to start out in a basic clerical job, then work my way up. That is, after all, how previous generations climbed up the ladder. If it can happen to them, it can happen to me. So, I start perusing the help wanted ads.

In retrospect, it can be assumed that I am having as much difficulty now as I did then in terms of my experience. In those days, the only experience I had was working the cash register and being able to count back change using my head. Not very many employers were willing to hire a high school senior with little to no office experience, even though I was determined to get a part-time office job. I thought for certain there would be an employer that would be willing to work with my schedule (Monday thru Friday, 3-7pm-ish, or thereabouts) so I could focus on graduating. Needless to say, I didn't have very much luck.

I decided to put my clerical fascination on hold until after I graduated high school. My father's dream was that I attend college, which I did, but only for a short awhile. My need to work on a full-time basis nullified any desires to obtain academia success. I start hitting the help wanted ads once again.

By this time, I had just gotten married, and settled in a one-bedroom apartment in a quaint suburb of Chicago. In the days before the internet, I subscribed to every local paper as well as the biggies (Sun-Times, Tribune) just to conduct my job search. At that time, jobs were aplenty, but there were few jobs that were willing to interview an inexperienced youngin' barely out of high school.

My difficulties were legitimate. Hell, I probably wouldn't interview me either. On the contrary, I knew plenty of folks who were in the midst of changing jobs, enhancing their careers, and/or climbing up the corporate ladder. They didn't have very much difficulty in getting interviews. All they did was send a resume via snail mail, and if they had any kind of skill set that would be relevant to the job, they had potential. There was no such thing as fighting to get a response through e-mail....there was no e-mail! Resume tracking databases and the online job applications were ethereal. There was no such thing as a "second interview." If the hiring manager liked you, you'd get a call back with an offer in a matter of days. There was no such thing as asinine psychological assessment tests. In reading this, you might think I'm dating back to about fifty years ago. The truth is....I've only gone back fifteen.

Just incase you've been beating yourself over the head over why you've had such a difficult time finding a job, perhaps I can help you out. Take the time and think on the following question: what has changed in the workforce over the last fifteen years? Do you think you've changed to the point where you've all of a sudden become unmarketable? Are hiring managers immediately turned off by the sight of you? If you've done everything right, from sending a well formatted resume to sending a thank you note after an interview, the problem is certainly NOT you. It's the unnecessary hurdles concocted by the exigent Human Resources department, and they only exist because it was the "trendy" thing to implement by Corporate America.

We have survived a very long time without a Human Resources department. It is this area that became noticeably prevalent in the last fifteen years. I never dealt with an "HR" person until I got an offer with my last employer in 2001. Previously, I have held two full time jobs (one of which was on a c-level) and I never interviewed with an HR person, but interviewed with my direct supervisor instead. During these interviews, my would-be supervisors were not annoyed because they thought someone else can be doing this better, or because they didn't have the time. They MADE time. They were INTERESTED in what I had to say! They were immediately impressed with my credentials. They saw potential in ME. They know what they wanted in a candidate rather than rely on someone who THINKS what the supervisor wants. It was pretty cut and dry. If they liked you, they made you an offer. No other hurdles were necessary.

As the bigger companies started to become greedy and jumped on the merger/acquisition bandwagon, nothing to would make them feel more superior than the useless addition of the Human Resources department. As far as I'm concerned, this was a period of deplorable display of elitism, not to mention greed, capitalism, and the feebling showcase of power-hungry fools. I digress. However, now that a Human Resources department is invented...what the fuck do they do now?

Enter the employee manual. Very comical, considering no one reads them and if they do, their head will explode just by the disturbing amount of spelling and grammar mistakes.

RTD's, or the Resume Tracking Database. These systems were in use as far back as 1996. I saw firsthand where resumes went....or didn't. Let me put to you like this: the only way for someone's resume to come up for a certain position is that I physically type your name in the search field. Otherwise, thanks for playing.

What else can HR do? Aha! Someone thought they were being innovative one day and came up with all these ideas on how to make the interviewing process "smoother." Hence, the second interview was born. Assessment tests were born. Etc., etc. Now HR look like geniuses, and their jobs are safe. The bigwigs now love them!

Meanwhile...they must pretend they know everything about the job they are trying to fill. For anyone that has ever had to deal with a recruiter, you know damn well what I'm talking about. They are clueless about the job itself and many times they can't even write a descriptive job posting. With that in mind, how credible does that make the recruiters in finding the "perfect fit" when they don't even know what the hell they're talking about or what the job entails? But they must pretend, because if they don't...HR department will be AXED, or worse....

....people might start getting jobs again!!

Obviously I did end up getting an interview for a clerical job early in my tenure. It was a one-on-one interview with my prospective supervisor. She was very interested in why I wanted to choose this path, why I chose this company...all questions that were legitimate and make perfect sense. She never asked me what I wanted to do in five years. She was concerned what I can do NOW. She never asked what my biggest weakness was because she didn't care. Let's put it to you like this: you either work through your "weakness" or get fired! It's as simple as that! She never asked what what was the last book I read because she didn't give a rat's ass...what I did on my time was just that....MY time. Trying to "read" me? HR who like to "read" people definitely chose the wrong field. I believe that's called....psychology?

My next two jobs entailed interviews that were very similar in nature, all asking questions that were directly related to the job. It wasn't until I entered the job market full-time back in 2004, that I am having an extremely difficult time. If anything, at least I know that I am solely NOT the problem.