Narratives of the Disengaged: The Job Search

Follow-Up to Those Who Wanted My Firstborn

I was so disheartened with the job application I encountered yesterday (see the blog post from yesterday) that it propelled me to relay my thoughts to their human resources department. I realize that by doing so, it has automatically defaulted any chances of being considered for the role...any role for that matter, with that particular organization.

As if I'm distraught over it. Or even care.

As I've stated earlier, with plenty of professional references and a healthy and extensive set of credentials, I'm really not too concerned what the HR folks think of me. More often than not, someone's initial reaction of me is way off base. For example, I look every bit Latino. I have olive skin, brown hair, and brown eyes. The truth is, I don't have an ounce of Latino blood in me. My point is, if people are quick to make inaccurate assumptions over my nationality, how can I possibly ever to expect them to know what kind of work ethic I have, or what kind of a team player I am, and/or whether or not I am capable to handle all the primary tasks a particular job description lists?

Back to the letter....having said all that, I have decided to write a letter to relay my thoughts on their application and pre-employment screening process. One of the very many reasons I wrote this is because I keep getting the uneasy feeling that employers/hiring authorities enjoy watching job applicants jump through all sorts of hurdles by implementing various requests, some that make sense, some that don't. And since employers are well aware how constricted the job market is, they have the power to instill any kind of criteria they want, because they know job applicants will conform to them without question, just for a chance of getting a job. While all I am saying may be way off base, but by reading the job application procedure, it sure the hell seems that way, and I feel I have every right to question it.

Enclosed is the actual e-mail I sent to their human resources department:

Chicago 2016: Congratulations Mayor Daley! Now You Know How *I* Feel

Dear Mayor Daley:

Hi. Are you drunk yet?

Oh, the heartache. That rejecting feeling. Such a shame for you, as you've worked so hard preparing for the moment when you would finally cash in on the world's top prize. You've done everything right, and planned it so carefully. You've practiced your speeches, your presentations, and contacted the big guns to use as professional references. You've practiced for two years, only for it to slam in your face by the rest of the world. In a nutshell, the IOC pretty much told you: 'you're nowhere near as perfect as you think you are, even with The President as a reference.'

I know the feeling. Speaking from a job seeking perspective, I have had doors slammed in my face since 2004.

Of course, I have to point out some key differences: first, I have never screwed anyone over. I've never used my employer's funds for my own selfish reasons. I have never "bought" my way into certain job roles, and will readily admit to wrongdoing if I know I am guilty of it. My opposition is minimal at best, and to my knowledge, my reputation and my credentials are intact. Can YOU say the same thing about yourself, Mr. Mayor?

I can, however, relate to your loss. You see, I provided three professional references and three letters of recommendation during a job interview I had earlier last month. Even though none of those references came from The President or from Oprah, I figured I had a good chance of landing an offer. I was very polished during the interview, and provided sharp, on-the-point answers to all of the questions. To date, I have yet received a response (even AFTER sending two e-mails) on whether I'm still being considered for the position. At least you were able to find out immediately by being the first city to get eliminated. I'm still in freakin' limbo!

However, I have had previous interviews where I was SURE something good was to come of them. Like you, I practiced my interviews, polished my presentation, and put together any ammunition (references) I had well ahead of the scheduled interview. I made sure that I wouldn't do anything stupid during the interview, such as yawning....oh wait, that doesn't apply to you....well, anyway...I did everything right, but still was not awarded the job. It's so frustrating, isn't it, Mr. Mayor? I'm certain you are content in your heart that you did everything right, too. I'm pretty sure you thought at one time, 'well how can Chicago possibly lose? We're doing everything right -- we have the President and Oprah! What more do you want out of me?'

Apparently, Mr. Mayor, the IOC indeed wanted MORE out of you, just like my previous interviewees wanted more out of me. Perhaps you can use the events of today as a time to reflect. You've spent a lot of time telling the world how pretty of a city Chicago is, but how will the Olympics benefit? What are the advantages of hosting the Olympics in Chicago, aside from the Oprah factor? These are questions you should have been prepared to answer, Mr. Mayor. Take it from someone who knows. Since 2004.

They say everything happens for a reason. Perhaps your reasons are more prevalent and climatic than mine. At any rate, being rejected sucks. Being rejected by the rest of the world sucks even more, but at least you know what I've gone through, from tears to heartaches to more tears. I'd take my rejection much better if I had Oprah on my side, so at least you have that going for you.

Congratulations on your well deserved loss.

With love,

JS

Open Letter to the "Hire Me" Sandwich Board People

Dear Sandwich Board People of the World:

Hi.

A long time ago, in a galaxy very close by, with a huge bag of Doritos, I was sitting on my couch watching the local news. After various stories about little kids getting shot, the anchorman then turned his attention to you. He spouted something about you standing on the corner wearing a sandwich board that says "Hire Me." My eyes widened. I thought that was really nuts. I mean...did I hear that right or was I munching too hard on the Doritos? Right in downtown Chicago, to boot? I eagerly listened to the rest of the story, as I was mostly interested in the outcome of your insane efforts to find a job.

I was thinking very bad thoughts. I was thinking, 'now why the hell are they wasting precious air time on some guy wearing a dumb sandwich board when they could be reporting about corrupted politicians and gang violence? If this guy gets a job through this insane method I'm going to be really pissed.' My god. Have you ever heard of Monster, Careerbuilder, Craiglist...the local paper? Why can't you just to what the normal people do and search for a job without infringing on other people's space? You're taking up space on my 42" plasma television....you're taking up MY space (not to be confused with the tween-infested social networking site).

I continue to listen to the rest of your interview, and I can see you already went through the normal routine of the job search. "I've applied online numerous times and sent my resume everywhere. The outcome is always the same...no response..." you said. I can see in your eyes that you have tried every possible avenue. I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are hopeful and that all you ask is to be given a chance.

Once upon a time, you were highly embellished with a successful career, and you were happy and content. After many dedicated years of service, your company let you go. Just like that. As if your loyalty and hard work never meant anything. Now you have come to this. A one-time successful account executive is now standing on a busy street corner as if you're soliciting for sex or money in downtown Chicago. How embarrassing for you.

The reporter asks, "So have you gotten any offers?"

You replied with an answer I was not expecting to hear....."Yes."

Now I'm shocked. At the same time, my skepticism kicks into high gear. Now I'm anxious to hear who the heck was crazy enough to offer you a job....but most importantly....why?

The prospective employer approached you not because you sent a resume, or even a cover letter. Somebody was interested in you because you had balls. You dared to be different. You took a radical approach and your strategy worked. It is something I would personally never do....oh wait....

My Resume to Nowhere project is basically the same thing you're doing. I'm just daring to be different behind the scenes! Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a loser! So how can I begrudge you when I am essentially doing the same thing. We have something in common by taking on an innovative approach in this tough market. Your ingenuity and creativity should be applauded, not impugn. Something tells me that if you're that determined in real life, those values would be a huge asset for your prospective/future employer.

In conclusion, I just want to wholeheartedly apologize to the Sandwich Board People all over the world for my bad thoughts. Your efforts should be applauded, and I will be rooting for you every step of the way.

Open letter to recruiters: Yes, let's scrutinize Michael Phelps

Dear Recruiters of the world:

I would like to provide a little reminder of the impressive achievements by an outstanding athlete. His name is Michael Phelps. Since so much of the media and our society is hung up on his recreational activities, I thought it'd be nice to post this reminder of his accomplishments:

"Michael Fred Phelps (born June 30, 1985) is an American swimmer. He has won 14 career Olympicgold medals, the most by any Olympian. By the end of 2008, he held seven world records in swimming.

Phelps holds the record for the most gold medals won at a single Olympics with the eight golds he won at the 2008 Olympic Games. With this record, he surpassed American Mark Spitz, who was also a swimmer and had held the previous gold medal total with the seven that he won at the 1972 Munich Olympic Games.

Overall, Phelps has won 16 Olympic medals: six gold and two bronze at Athens in 2004, and eight gold at Beijing in 2008. In winning these medals, he has twice equaled Soviet gymnast Alexander Dityatin's record of eight medals (of any type) at a single Olympics; Dityatin garnered eight at the 1980 Summer Olympics. Out of his eight gold medals from Beijing, five were won in individual events, tying the record for individual gold medals at a single Games originally set by Eric Heiden in the 1980 Winter Olympics and equaled by Vitaly Scherbo at the 1992 Summer Games. Phelps ranks second in total career Olympic medals, after Soviet gymnast Larissa Latynina, who won a total of 18 medals (nine gold) spanning three Olympic Games.

Phelps's international titles, along with his various world records, have resulted in him being awarded the World Swimmer of the Year Award in 2003, 2004, 2006, 2007, and 2008 and American Swimmer of the Year Award in 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, 2007, and 2008. Phelps has won a total of 48 career medals thus far: 40 golds, six silvers, and two bronzes. This includes all of the Championships in which he has competed: The Olympics, the World Championships, and the Pan Pacific Championships. In 2008 Phelps won Sports Illustrated magazine Sportsman of the Year award."

You can read more about him on Wikipedia

I feel that it's important to note his accomplishments. He is now labeled as a disgusting human being with no shame. He has been downgraded in our society as a deviant.  I don't think that is fair whatsoever. I realize that he is a role model for many young children, however I don't ever recall him going out in public or conducting interviews with a bong in hand. We are not talking about drugs that eases him into victorious glory and recognition. We are not talking about steroids. Yet, he is being scrutinized for simply being a typical college student. I'm certain that he never wanted that photo released to the press, and I suspect that it was an angry ex-girlfriend seeking some sort of vendetta against him. To disregard his personal accomplishments is completely idiotic.

So recruiters, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Be afraid.

I have read with disgust about the latest recruitment strategy to locate the perfect candidate. Last night, I was conducting a little research on job seeking strategies when I came across this article:

Digital Dirt

I have also read in other areas of the internet where this craze is quickly becoming a popular method of candidate searches in the recruiting world. It has also been mentioned on LinkedIn.

Recruiters really have no shame. As if social networking sites can really be taken seriously! Recruiters are flocking to Myspace. Myspace? Really? If you think you will find an ideal candidate on Myspace, I really have to wonder about your intentions besides being desperate. But that's not my point.

The bottom line is this: what I do outside of my job is no one's business. Sensible people with an excellent work ethic will not embark their partying lifestyle in the workforce. Sensible people with an excellent work ethic will use Myspace and Facebook as a way to UNWIND and is used as a vehicle to allow their witticisms to shine. These social networks were designed for hard-working folks to post scandelous, flagrant pictures of themselves to share with their friends. These social networks were designed as an excellent way to keep in touch with family members, especially those who are distant. The people that opt for such social outlets shouldn't have to worry about they post. They shouldn't have to worry about bullshit things such as "presentation." They're just there to have a good time. They should not be held accountable or disregarded as someone who "potentially" cannot do the job because you saw a picture of them straddling a pole from 10 years ago. As if you're all angels yourselves. Give me a break.

Perhaps it did not occur to you the motives behind LinkedIn. I believe it was created for the very sole purpose of giving people the opportunity to present themselves in a professional and respectful manner, as well as a listing of their credentials. Do recruiters think it is not possible to do well in a position AND have a life? Outrage!

Don't worry, I know of your counter-agruement. Your counter-agruement might be something like, 'if people are so willing to publish their partying lifestyle on the web, then it is considered to be public record, and we have the right to peruse it at free will and do what we want with that information.'

Au contraire. If you're that concerned, may I suggest....oh....I don't know....a criminal and background check?

Oh, yes. I see. Conducting  such checks costs the company money. After all, we are trying to cut corners any way we can during the economic downturn....right? Searching a potential candidate on Google is a MUCH better alternative.

The moral of this story is this: recruiters should be attentive to a candidate's qualifications and how those skills can be a valuable asset for the employer. Set up interviews. Give these folks a chance. The chances of these folks demonstrating a stripper move or smoking from a bong during your interview is probably very slim and none.

Michael Phelps is a party animal and was caught smoking weed at a college party. What a shocker. My guess is that it probably wasn't the first time he smoked, and yet, it didn't stop him from being one of the greatest athletes of all time. 

A Proud Smoker and Strip Pole dancer,

- JC